As a single parent in lock down with a child with no siblings to entertain him, I know all too well the challenges of COVD-19.

Balancing my work and research, school, housework, meals, mental stimulation, exercise and heaven forbid, a bit of down time for myself in there too.

Social media posts, Whatsapp groups sharing pictures of completed school books, well intentioned emails offering ’20 resources to entertain your children’ ’50 activities to do in your garden’ all start to raise anxiety levels and make you think that "what I’ve achieved as a mother today is just not good enough".

Why might you think this? Oh I don’t know here is my guess…you have a job (you may or may not be getting paid for it now) which you actually love and spend time doing not teaching, you are at times focussing on your own needs thats dare I say it, non-productive. Screens are getting more use than you ever imagined you would permit.

Some days you cook lunch feeling like a master chef prepping and chopping as you teach a home cookery class. "Yes, I’ve totally nailed homeschooling". That same evening you reheat lunch and say "Yes, eat it in front of the TV just please eat it" as you literally can’t face making yet another meal for it only to be half eaten.

I want you to know that good enough is actually good enough. In fact perhaps it is better than good enough. Perhaps not being 100% attentive, allowing your trusty side kick to see they aren’t the centre of the universe and that you have responsibilities to others above and beyond them isn’t the end of the world.

I don’t expect my opinion to make you feel reassured, but you might like to know that in psychology the term ‘good enough mother’ is an actual thing.

The phrase "the good enough mother" was coined by the British pediatrician and psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott in his famous book Playing and Reality.

Winnicott thought that the "good enough mother" starts out with an almost complete adaptation to her baby's needs, entirely devoted to the baby and the fulfilment of its ever need.

As time goes by, however, the mother allows the infant to experience small amounts of frustration. She is empathetic and caring but does not immediately rush to the baby's every cry. At first the time-limit to this frustration must be very short. She may allow the baby to cry for a few minutes before her nighttime feeding, but only for a few minutes. She is not "perfect" but she is "good enough" in that the child only feels a slight amount of frustration.

Learning to cope with frustration is not such a bad thing. Imagine equipping your child with the skills to be able to deal with that, so that if in the future a pandemic hit the globe and they were ever faced with a challenging…….you get the picture.

Being ‘good enough’ involves a balancing act between two equally important processes for a child's healthy cognitive development and even their future happiness:

1) At first, the mother devotedly attends to the infant's every need;

2) Gradually the mother allows the baby to experience a need apart from its immediate fulfilment--although naturally this time period must be very short at first and increase with time. 

With good enough mothering, a child has the ability to live in two worlds: the world of illusion, fantasy, and magic, on the one hand, and on the other hand, a world that does not always conform to his wishes. 

Whilst those at home with older school age children, may think this is no longer relevant, I think it holds up as very useful at this time. Illusion, fantasy and magic becomes more about social interactions, entertainment and learning.

The environment and circumstances we are in now are not business as usual. It is not how we learned to exist, thrive and survive in the world. In lock down, social isolation, not in school. So for a little period in our lives, we may need to unlearn some of the ideas we have to be able to survive and thrive in a new way over the coming month.

Do your best with the resources you have available to you. That is the most anyone can expect of you at this time.

Teachers have resources available to them that you don’t. A qualification, training, experience, teaching assistants, other teachers, a classroom full of paints, paper, books, TIME. A classroom full of other children (yes they teach each others too don’t forget).

You don't have the play dates, clubs, parties, sleep overs, activities, days out that fill the days and keep them physically exhausted and mentally stimulated. You can't replicate all of this on your own. You can't even in a couple. So relax a little, be kind, and accept good enough as being exactly that. Good enough.

If you are worried that it's not, and you are struggling. Please get in touch

I'm good enough, I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. We have great days, OK days and off days.

I've nifty ways of supporting anyone in this predicament at this time as I want to help and I'm happy to share my ideas - including my jar of ideas.

Courage and solidarity always.