We tend to equate being brave with taking action, moving forward, gaining momentum. Sometimes, however it can be brave to just take a pause.
Our culture is incredibly forward focused, and coaching and training, the industry I have worked in for four years now, even more so. It’s all about change, transformation, achieving more and even more. It’s so easy to get caught up in trying to do more, be better, live your best life. We forget to have a rest, to appreciate ourselves just as we are.
What difference does it make to our imagination knowing we have wings? Does an imagination without wings die of frustration and hopelessness?
My Be Braver Collective members, and my own coach are all too familiar with the symbolism wings hold for me.
Not because I think we are all angels or anything certainly I’m not, though I suppose that’s a nice idea, but symbolically I like to think we all have them as a means of connecting with freedom, agency, power and strength.
I believe that we all need time out every now again. A month of hibernation in January. Saying no to events to give ourselves some quiet time. Deciding to take a career pause and really consider what it is we want to do with our lives. Booking a couple of hours in the diary each week to just do whatever the hell we want. Occasional runs or visits to the gym or pool when we just enjoy what we are doing, no clock watching or pushing ourselves to go further or faster.
Interestingly, this is very hard to do. Many people think that it’s showing weakness, that they will fall behind, or lose their resolve. They worry what others will think of them if they take their foot off the break. Sometimes, and I was one of those people, we don’t even know how to do it.
It was only when feelings of burn-out began to creep in last year that I decided to cut down on some work, spend a few afternoons a week swimming or walking, and slow down. I don’t mind sharing that it was incredibly hard. I realised that I had been judging myself on my achievements. I felt good when I got through my to-list. I prided myself on my self-discipline. Who would I be without it?
Taking a pause allowed me to rediscover my love of reading fiction, to take some time out to actually enjoy the seaside town I had chosen to move to, and to go back over the Clarity section of the Be Braver practitioner programme. This helped clarity two things: my desire to continue my psychotherapy training, and the fulfilment I get from work with young people. I had been working with diverse groups of apprentices, students and Kickstarters for the last two years and hadn’t even noticed the connection. Stopping let me put two and two together, and celebrate my own bravery.
Paula Gardner is a business psychologist and coach who works with young people