Labelling Your Emotions

Tools For Helping To Name And Listen To Them Accurately

Once of the most popular and well used tools in the Be Braver toolkit is the emotions wheel. Sometimes we can feel like we are the mercy of our emotions but with the right tools we can have more control than we think.

There are of course thousands of words in the English language alone for labelling your emotions. Very often we only use a handful of them. Yet the power the words we use carries a huge amount of information. Can create opportunity. Or limit it.

Whether it is thinking about your own, or what you think other peoples emotional responses might be (though the best way to know for sure is to do this exercise with them of course), pausing to consider whether you have correctly labeled them offers valuable data and information.

Take sadness. Then frustration, disappointment or rejection. Then think of a situation you have found yourself in. Consider how the courses of action. Who where power, influence and responsibility sits with each. The different types of conversations each might create. The different intentions and outcomes you might seek.

Print the wheel off and have it somewhere handy as a reference tool. Use it as a sensor check.

Another tip is to make sure you aren’t saying to yourself ‘I am frustrated’ ‘I am sad’.

To create space between you and the emotion, so that you would say ‘I notice I am feeling’. This allows space and perspective to observe, sit with and understand the information we want to extract and work with from the emotion.

It prevents it from running wild and us feeling powerless and at its behest.

For further reading on the subject Susan David has done some brilliant work on how our emotions carry data.

The real transformation in this space come when you integrate your emotional literacy with the values work we do in Finding Clarity.

If you want to explore this further as a practice, unpack how this relates to management and leadership, Be Braver designs and develops bespoke training solutions. Fit to the culture, values and behaviours you wish to see in your team or organisation.

The Gremlins in the Room: Naming and Taming Our Hidden Fears and Biases

TAMING PESKY GREMLINS

We've all heard the phrase "the elephant in the room" - that awkward or uncomfortable topic that everyone knows is there but nobody wants to talk about.

It is present in the meeting. No-one has the courage to call it out. Everyone pretends it isn’t there.

But what about the "gremlins in the room"? Those hidden fears, biases, and assumptions that we all carry with us, often without even realising it. Walking in and out of rooms, sitting on our shoulders and following us everywhere. 

When we enter a room, we bring our own unique set of experiences, beliefs, and biases with us. These gremlins can be triggered by certain people, situations, or even just the general atmosphere of the room. They can manifest in subtle ways, such as a fleeting thought or feeling, or they can take over our entire mindset, influencing the way we interact with others and view the world around us.

Some common gremlins that many people bring into a room include fear of judgment fear of failure, social anxiety, lack of self-belief, perfectionism.

Over-estimating other people’s competence and aptitude because of grand performative gestures of authority. 

RECOGNISING YOUR GREMLINS

These gremlins can affect our behaviour in any number of ways, such as causing us to hold back in conversations or take an overly defensive stance in response to to feedback. Procrastination, apathy, frustration.

The problem with gremlins is that they often go unacknowledged, which can make them even more insidious. We can also make the mistake of thinking we are the only one in the room that brought one (or several) in.

 When we're not aware of our own biases and fears, they can control us without us even realizing it. They can cause us to miss out on opportunities, damage our relationships with others, and even hold us back from the future we deserve and want to create. The outcomes we want to accomplish.

So, what can we do about these gremlins in the room?

The first step is to acknowledge that they exist. We need to be willing to take a hard look at our own biases and fears, and recognize how they might be influencing our behaviour. This requires a degree of self-awareness and vulnerability, but it's an essential step in overcoming the gremlins that hold us back.

NAMING THE LITTLE CRETINS 

I suggest to Clients to think of them as frenemies. Acting with good intent to keep you safe from harm.

Not quite up to speed with the current level of wisdom, experience, strength, competence, and ability you now have. To handle the challenging situations they want to protect you from.

They often work on outdated information and data. From days now long gone in your distant past.

Another important step is to create a safe and supportive environment for discussion with these gremlins. We need to be able to have open and honest conversations about our fears and biases without fear of judgment or reprisal.

This can involve seeking out a trusted friend, mentor, or coach who can provide us with feedback and guidance.  Creating the conditions for psychological safety to feel safe to explore.

 Finally, we need to be willing to take action to address our gremlins. This might involve seeking out new experiences that challenge our biases and fears, or actively working to overcome our lack self belief or fear of failure. It's only through taking action that we can begin to change our behavior and overcome the gremlins that hold us back. 

Take Aways:

·      Everyone carries Gremlins in the room.

·      The ones that are untamed. Unseen. They do the greatest damage.

·      Your gremlin can be tamed – it is acting up as it is wanting to keep you safe.

·      Find a safe space to get know your gremlin(s).

·      Be curious to understand what is triggering them.

·      Be prepared to listen. Then to act.

·      Once you have named and tamed yours, think of others. Remember next time you are in a space – other people’s may still be running riot.

While the elephant in the room may be the most obvious problem, it's important to recognise that there are often gremlins lurking beneath the surface. Some of which you can fix. Alone..

 These hidden fears and biases can have a powerful impact on our behaviour and mindset, and it's essential that we acknowledge them if we want to overcome them.

 By creating a safe and supportive environment for discussion, building our self-awareness, and taking action to address our gremlins, we can free ourselves from the constraints that hold us back. Live fully. Lead courageously.

Suggestions For Further Reading:

Ali, H (2021) Her Allies, Neem Tree Press

Grant, A. M. (2017). Originals: How non-conformists move the world. Viking.

Goleman, D. (2013). Focus: The hidden driver of excellence. Bloomsbury Publishing.

Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. Macmillan.

Kahenman, D; Sibony, O; Sunstein, C.R. Noise. Wililams Collins.

Peters, S (2012) The Chimp Paradox. Random House.

Seighart, M.A (2021). The Authority Gap. Random House.