I recently saw a quote on linked in by Tene Edwards which said
‘Know Your Worth.
You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served”.
Thousands of people liked and commended the post for its message.
“Truth”
“100%”
“Amen to this”
I often think about the greater number people that see these motivational quotes and don’t respond.
The ones that they may even have an adverse effect on. Who feel like they’ve been judged in some way, for being lesser than.
We know from research the damage social media can do to our mental wellbeing. Comparison being a big one. Yet can motivational quotes really be a bad thing?
I’d argue yes, and this is great example of it for me. Without context sometimes they may.
Of course we can argue it depends how you read them, what you bring to etc Be Braver loves to share a quote but aim to bevery mindful of what we are sharing and why.
The reality is that those that are feeling diminished or vulnerable where they are at in life right now, are most likely, and understandably going so, to be attending to to interpreting information in ways that supports that position.
Courage is a process. I often thing of brave as a moment of action and courage as the process that envelopes the action. For any person that leaves the table, there has been a period of sitting there and decided when the right time to leave is. Timing is as much a part of courage as action.
It takes great strength and self awareness to be able defend your self worth in the face of those trying to diminish it. Not acting in every circumstance doesn’t mean you lack courage or self-respect, it’s just another unnecessary battle you don’t need to feel like you have to defend, question or rationalise.
I know for a fact, from the women in our Be Braver community and the corporate clients I work with daily, that there will be a woman, or man somewhere, tolerating a situation where they are not being served respect.
It’s affecting their feeling, choices and actions. Causing stress and anxiety, possibly even worse. It might be an abusive relationship, a bullying boss, discrimination, racism, misogyny. A team member that feels threatened or an overwhelmed Client that is out their depth and you are in the firing line.
Does that mean the individuals that has to tolerate it for now doesn’t know their worth? Absolutely not.
In fact anyone who has left the table for this reason, at some point was at the table. So if you are still there, remember, anyone that left, had to be there in the first place. You are on the same path they were.
It isn’t knowing that you need to leave that’s the issue. It is struggling to find a way to do amidst a complex web of factors.
A woman in an abusive relationship with kids and a violent partner is very different to a member of your extended work team disrespecting you where the risks of taking action are mitigated by the support of a team & safety net we might not find elsewhere. Not always of course.
If you are tolerating situations where respect is not being served, as I myself have and you can’t yet find the courage to leave or speak up, that is not to say you won’t or you are failing in some way.
You are human. Relationships can be complex, there can be risks, responsibilities, dependencies, consequences, fears and uncertainties you need to work through to get to the courageous decision or act.
Once you decide you want to get there, you will. It isn’t always easy or as simple as a punchy statement.
You can know your worth & still be figuring stuff out. Courage is a process of decision making & evaluation that ends with an act or a decision.
You might not even recognise it as courage until well after you are out of the situation. Self preservation & creating change with purpose, intent and values alignment whilst attending to all the above isn’t always as simple as it sounds. That’s what makes it courage.
Making the decision that are figuring out how to get out and recognising that respect isn’t served is the beginning of leaving.
As my courage research, the Be Braver programme and the practice we see daily in our community has shows, courage is a process & a practice that can be learned.
Still being at the table when respect is not being served does not mean you do not know your worth.
It means because you know your worth you are figure out a safe way to leave, perhaps even for the welfare of others. Which means you already on the path of courage.