What holds you back from becoming the best version of yourself?

Have you ever pondered what holds you back from becoming the best version of yourself? A profound question from the brilliant mind of coach Owen Eastwood, a master in the realm of sports coaching.

A question you’d also find it popping up regularly in our Be Braver coaching spaces.

I encourage you to dive into the article below or, better yet, immersing yourself in his book, Belonging, to extract your own nuggets of wisdom and inspiration.

In the world of Be Braver, his insights really did strike a chord. Quite a few actually.

 Very like Owen Eastwood, I too ventured into the world of coaching psychology after having spent the earlier part of my career working in data-driven marketing. While I haven’t had the chance to coach a football team (yet!), I can recognise some shared philosophies in our approaches.

Owen Eastwood speaks of togetherness; at Be Braver, we hold courage close to our hearts. It's the driving force behind everything we do. Creating connection, finding clarity and knowing confidence underpin it.

Where Owen Eastwood appeared to start with a hunger for simplicity, not models and theories – I embarked on an academic journey, making the courageous decision to eventually go my own way. Leaving my PHd in courage behind (oh, the courage that decision took), to focus on research and practice outside of academia.

Still deeply rooted in humanities and behavioural sciences, I now bring Be Braver to the world. A growth toolkit with a soul — supported by a model and theory that I’m truly passionate about.

Delving into the potential gender differences in mine and Owens coaching journeys could fill pages. Authority is undoubtedly harder to come by as a woman. I suspect a key point of departure. Yet, beyond academic pursuits, I believe in bridging gaps through emotional intelligence and creating a space where progress can flourish.

In reality my academic prowess, actually cowers in the shadows of my emotional intelligence (it did indeed equally take an awful lot of courage to turn to academia). It is in the commendations on my authenticity, integrity and ability to create connection and build trust which I find my own measure of success. Personally and professionally. 

What did resonate so deeply with Owens Eastwoods approach and Be Bravers? Our shared beliefs in:

Connecting to Something Greater:

Beyond individual or team goals, finding personal meaning enhances our collective journey.

Embracing Difficulty:

Challenges have a purpose, fueling the drive to stretch, push boundaries, and overcome obstacles.

Emotional Connection:

Breaking barriers by understanding our emotional ties to ourselves and others.

Courage and bravery are probably not synonymous with belonging and togetherness. I would argue they ought to be.

Not just because I am building my own pride of lionesses (no football pun intended) through the Be Braver Collective, but because teams and individuals that want to be and do their best, have the courage to fail together. Create connection and be vulnerable together. Say and do difficult and uncertain things. Which in turn creates a sense of belonging and togetherness.

If we could start with having the courage to build teams that are brave enough to be more emotionally connected, the sense of belonging and pride that drives success will follow certainly follow.

Subject Interested You?

Curious About This Line Of Enquiry?

Try this next. The Social Instinct, Nicola Raihani

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Want t0 know more about working with me, privately, for you team or organisations? Here to find out more.

More about the Be Braver Collective, a community of women committed to the practice of exercising their courage? click here.

Can Thinking About Power and Control Help Us Be Braver leaders?

When I started from a position of curiosity, to learn more about the suffragettes and courage, my journey found me fusing research from applied psychology, sociology, behavioural sciences and philosophy.

I discovered new ideas about courage and bravery. That the great leaders in history were courage practitioners.

I found that we are often braver than we think. You. Me. All of us.

I have evidenced, that when we understand it as superpower that is uniquely ours in how it manifests, one we can model, practice and understand – the seemingly impossible suddenly becomes very possible.

 The change we want to create, the future we want to move towards, the person we want to become. It’s all up for grabs.

I offer ‘a novel and pioneering view of leadership and life’. So my clients have described it.

A new perspective on living and leading, by brave action and courageous decision making. The Be Braver model.

A programme, practice, and pathway, where self-awareness, self-efficacy and courage transform the way we travel. Individually and collectively.

Now Be Braver is a mindset, model and a community.

As much for personal growth as for professional growth. A framework for all of us to benefit from. Young and old, experienced and exploring. For those hungry to find and develop their fullest potential, individually and collectively.

And how do we do it? Can simply thinking about COURAGE and BRAVeRY IT really help us be braver LEADERS?

Through a deeply individual, personal and exploratory process of understanding why, when and how, to take brave action and make courageous decisions. Which when teams travel together, offers a framework, language and toolkit to share. I know we can find ways to be braver. Act our way in to courage.

That are less scary and dare I say it more enjoyable?

And to be very clear, choosing courage when it demands deep self awareness at an individual and personal level, does not equate to it being self-serving.  

 Two of the many perspectives which inform the Be Braver model, are Alfred Adlers Psychology, and for similar reasons Stephen Coveys more commonly recognised Circles of Influence.

Like all the concepts in Be Braver, they ask us to look at how we experience and understand our internal and external worlds.

To situate ourselves in relation to the barriers, opportunities, solutions and ideas we find when we know where to look.

To challenge how we perceive and understand both. In offering a simple applied structure, to complex ideas, we can make meaningful change that is truly transformative.

Not simply for a workshop and a coaching space - but  for a lifetime of application and practice.

How we focus, interpret and attend to our worlds, influences the outcomes we aspire to achieving. The results we hope to create. The change we want to affect.

Alfred Adlers theories of individual psychology posit that the individual can not be divided from the world in which we are situated. We exist in relation to it and each other.

His work asks us to consider things such as: -

💡 The uniqueness of each us

💡The control we have over our goals (not being able to control our environment but we can our social connections)

💡Our creative power to shape stories and meaning

💡Using mastery and competence as the motivation and means of overcoming inferiority

💡The importance of social connections

💡The freedom we have too choose our responses

💡 The interconnectedness of an individual's thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and social context.

Similarly Stephen Covey asks us to think about where we focus our time, effort and energy

💡 Am I an individual who sees the world as something determined by my actions?

💡 Do I think powerful others are mostly determining what happens?

💡 Do I think what happens is down to luck or chance?

These ideas, and many others, underpin the model and framework, for courageous decision making and brave actions, which we find in Be Braver leaders.

Our growing community of practitioners who are living with less fear and leading courageously.

Stopping to pause, reflect and  notice.

Having the self awareness, to appreciate areas where they individually and collectively, have greater, or lesser influence control. Letting go of unnecessary mental loads. Renewed energy. Commitments to focus on areas of influence.

Focusing on brave action, courageous decisions and conversations to accelerate desirable outcomes. Be Braver leaders have the tools, motivation, clarity, confidence and connection - to focus on what matters most. The courage to make the bold decisions and take brave action.

So the question to ask is do you, and your teams, know how to choose courage and Be Braver?

Because if the answer is no, be bold and start making change today. The first step is often the hardest, but now it couldn’t be easier - hop on a call today to find out how we can give you the rest of the tools you need.

What Are The Essential Qualities For Leadership Today?

The Qualities of Mission-Driven Leadership

The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus is credited with saying, "change is the only constant in life’ and Aristotle that ‘courage is the virtue that makes all the other possible’.

In a face paced, ever changing, volatile and uncertain word - what qualities does this ask of us as leaders?

Michelle Mormon and Saemoon Yoon at The World Economic Forum's Innovators Community asked leaders from mission-driven start-ups and Unicorn companies about the key characteristics they believe every leader must possess to succeed in this dynamic environment. Among the responses, one characteristic stands out as the linchpin for success: courage.

Whilst change has always been a part of human existence, the speed and complexity with which the world is transforming today is rapid. In this environment, courage is emerging as the critical virtue that underpins all other leadership qualities.

Courage enables leaders, and those who don’t profess to lead equally, to embrace change rather than resist it. It empowers them to step out of their comfort zones and break away from outdated structures that may have once brought success but are no longer effective. The "Be Braver" mindset is the pathway to choosing and practicing courage and, in doing so, equips leaders to embody and practice a multitude of essential qualities.

As we delve into the perspectives of some exceptional leaders who identified critical leadership qualities, we do indeed find that courage is the ingredient that makes al of them possible. And that with clarity, confidence and connection - all these qualities become embodied in the Be Braver mindset, practice and model of leadership.

1. Curiosity: Andreas De Neve, Co-Founder and CEO of TechWolf, emphasizes the importance of curiosity. In a world that is fundamentally changing, leaders must adopt a curious mindset to adapt and thrive in new, uncharted territories. They should be willing to question old paradigms, embrace change, and seek innovative solutions to new challenges.
   

2. Resilience: Björn von Siemens, Co-Founder and CFO of Caresyntax, believes that resilience is crucial. Resilient leaders possess the flexibility to adapt to fast-changing circumstances and maintain a long-term vision despite short-term setbacks. They acknowledge that challenges are part of the journey and use them as opportunities for growth.

3. Agility: Jacqueline Heard, CEO and Founder of Enko, underscores the need for agility. In the face of economic and geopolitical uncertainties, leaders must view challenges as opportunities and be willing to experiment and change course. An experimental mindset allows them to envision a better future, even when current circumstances seem daunting.

4. Authenticity and Purpose: Priya Lakhani, CEO and Founder of CENTURY Tech, emphasizes the importance of leading with authenticity and purpose. During times of crisis and rapid change, authentic leaders who remain true to their values can transform challenges into shared goals and a sense of purpose. Open-mindedness, learning from mistakes, and the support of a diverse network are key to sustaining such leadership.

5. Celebrating Diversity: Michael T. Suffredini, President and CEO of Axiom Space, highlights the value of recognizing and celebrating the contributions of all individuals on the team. Surrounding oneself with diverse talents who challenge the leader's thinking, take risks, and innovate is essential for fostering a culture of growth and innovation

6. Determination: Antoine Hubert, President and CEO of Ynsect, stresses the importance of unwavering determination. In a rapidly changing world, leaders must be resolute in their mission. Their strong belief in the legitimacy of their purpose enables them to overcome obstacles and drive change. Humility in seeking expertise where needed is another hallmark of their leadership.

7. Problem-Solving: Jan Goetz, CEO and Founder of IQM Quantum Computers, underscores the need for leaders to identify local problems and devise global, multifaceted solutions. As science and technology continue to shape our world, leaders must develop empathetic and purposeful leadership. This is especially crucial for attracting the younger generation of talent who seek to make a meaningful impact.

8. Compassion: Nicole Sahin, Founder and Executive Chair of G-P, underlines the significance of compassion as a differentiator in leadership. In the evolving landscape of remote work, compassion becomes a vital component of effective leadership. Leaders who lead with compassion create a culture of empathy and support, nurturing both their employees and the broader community. Compassionate leadership is about understanding and caring for the well-being of individuals, recognizing that outcomes matter more than mere activity.

9. Resilience: Nirmit Parikh, CEO of Apna.Co, speaks of the need for resilience in the face of high volatility and disruption. Resilient leaders maintain a high-fortitude mindset and ensure these values permeate their organizations. In challenging times, their focus remains on building innovative solutions and adapting to changing circumstances. Resilience, coupled with compassion, encourages leaders to support their teams and promote well-being.

10. Courage: It is April Koh CEO and Co-Founder of Spring Health, highlights the importance of courage in making pivotal decisions that drive growth and innovation. It is the driving force behind leaders who dare to push the boundaries and seek better ways of doing things. The bedrock of effective leadership. Leaders who possess courage embrace change and venture beyond their comfort zones. They understand that success often requires taking calculated risks, even in the face of uncertainty. They are unafraid to challenge the status quo and make bold decisions that can lead to real change.

The "Be Braver" mindset is the gateway to choosing courage, which, in turn, empowers leaders to embody and practice qualities like curiosity, resilience, agility, authenticity, celebration of diversity, determination, and problem-solving.

These leaders embrace change and use it as a catalyst for innovation and growth, setting themselves apart in turbulent times. In an era where change is the only constant, courage is the virtue that makes all other virtues possible, leading to success and progress in the face of rapid change.

And to end with a quote from modern day thinker, researcher and practitioner of courage, not a historical philosopher……

Courage will always reward you in unexpected ways.

When you choose courage, you take a step closer to the person you are becoming’ Be Braver Founder, Caroline Pankhurst.

Embracing Courage: The Resounding Call For Professional Bravery

Our Latest Data Reveals That 90% of Individuals Yearn to Be Braver in Their Careers

In a world where professional success often hinges on one's ability to take risks and step outside their comfort zone, it is no surprise that the desire for professional bravery resonates strongly with individuals across various industries.

The recent data from the Be Braver Index, has shed light on this yearning for courage in the workplace, indicating an overwhelming 90% of respondents expressed a deep wish to be braver in their professional lives.

The data unveils a fascinating insight into the collective mindset of today's professionals. It suggests that while many may be content with their current positions, there is a resounding longing for greater boldness, innovation, and the ability to seize opportunities that can propel them to new heights.

The implications of this data are profound. It showcases an inherent hunger for personal growth, a recognition that embracing bravery can lead to enhanced career development, and a realisation that staying within the confines of comfort zones can stifle progress a d business growth.

It is evident that individuals are seeking ways to overcome limiting mindsets and and push boundaries in order to thrive in an ever-evolving, volatile and complex changing business landscape.

Many factors contribute to this longing for professional bravery. Rapid technological advancements, increasing competition, and the growing need for adaptability in the face of disruption have created a sense of urgency among professionals.

Recognizing the importance of embracing change and taking calculated risks, individuals yearn for the courage to step outside their familiar terrain and explore uncharted territories.

Be Braver is dedicated to fostering bravery in the workplace, offering an opportunity for individuals to learn how to assess, build and practice their own level of professional courage.

By taking the Be Braver Index as a start, participants gain valuable insights into where their current mindset might be limiting their experiences so that they can build a pathway to cultivate bravery in their professional lives.

As the data suggests, the desire for professional bravery is not an isolated sentiment. It is a shared aspiration that resonates across industries, hierarchies, and demographics.

The Be Braver Index invites professionals from all walks of life to take the assessment and embark on a journey of self-discovery, growth, and empowerment.

To embrace courage in your professional life, take the Be Braver Index today

And as a point of note, the desire to be personally braver scores equally high. So organisation that want to invest in developing the skills to help colleagues become braver, offer them the gift of tools which will transform their lives both personally and professionally. Realising happier, healthier, more connected, motivated and engaged individuals in all aspects of their lives.

The Courageous Call For Allyship

A recent article published on Psychology Today, titled "Breaking Down Biases: Men as Allies for Women in Leadership," highlights the importance of male leaders stepping up as allies for gender equity.

At Be Braver, we recognise that when it comes to Gender Equity, like all areas of learning and development, we need two critical ingredients to create change.

Spaces for connection, self awareness, and reflection. For both men and women. To explore the challenges and opportunities it presents at a personal and individual level as much as at an organisational and business level. We will only ever be motivated to difficult things when we know why it matters. To our own values and model of leadership.

We also need a courageous mindset and practice. To ask the difficult questions and persist in turning our awareness in to action. And again when it fails.

We know from research that often the challenges that get in the way of allyship can be as much about internal barriers as they are external. Fear of getting it wrong, being judged, causing offence, making a mistake. It takes courage to take action that is uncomfortable and uncertain. Where there is a risk we might not get it right.

Yet the risks of not trying, when avoidance perpetuates that which is unbearably costly for half the population, makes the greater risk, doing nothing.

This blog looks to demonstrate how applying one of the Be Braver Courage Frameworks is crucial to exploring the ways courageous male allies can foster a more inclusive and equal future.

1. Clarity: Gain a clear framing of the purpose, meaning, and intent of what equity means to you as an individual. Personally and professionally. Understand that the purpose is to explore how men can support and advocate for gender equity and eliminate biases. Assess how this topic aligns with your values and the importance you place on promoting equality and inclusivity so you can articulate it clearly. And with pride.

2. Opportunity: Explore and appraise the potential imagined and unimaginable outcomes that can result from men actively becoming allies for gender equity. Consider the positive impact on workplace dynamics, individual growth, and societal progress that can arise from increased support for gender equality.

3. Understand: Connect the opportunity costs of not actively supporting gender equity to the clarity of purpose and values. Recognise the importance of understanding the barriers, experiences and biases that women face in their personal and professional lives. By understanding these challenges, you can better appreciate the value of advocating for gender equity and the benefits it brings to all individuals and organisations. Recognise your privilege. Ask. Listen.

4. Risks: Consider the risks of inaction and indecision regarding gender equity, as well as the risks associated with actively engaging as an ally. Reflect on the potential negative outcomes of perpetuating biases or remaining silent in the face of inequality. Your role as a leader. Evaluate the risks of potential backlash or discomfort that may arise from challenging the status quo.

5. Audit: Take a full appraisal of the resources, timing, and connections available to men who want to be allies for gender equity. Consider the personal knowledge, skills, and influence that can be leveraged to support gender equality efforts. Identify potential limitations, such as biases or lack of awareness, and explore ways to address them.

6. Generate: Develop a plan for what needs to be in place before and after taking action as an ally for gender equity. This may involve educating oneself on gender-related issues, asking women engaging in self-reflection, and seeking opportunities to amplify the voices of women. Consider the potential impact of allyship on personal relationships, workplace dynamics, and broader social change.

7. Engage: Be mindful of engaging with the emotional, systemic and interpersonal connections involved in supporting gender equity. Acknowledge the experiences and perspectives of women, listen actively, and empathize with their struggles. Engage in open and respectful dialogue to foster understanding and collaboration. Take actions that actively challenge biases and create an inclusive environment.

Labelling Your Emotions

Tools For Helping To Name And Listen To Them Accurately

Once of the most popular and well used tools in the Be Braver toolkit is the emotions wheel. Sometimes we can feel like we are the mercy of our emotions but with the right tools we can have more control than we think.

There are of course thousands of words in the English language alone for labelling your emotions. Very often we only use a handful of them. Yet the power the words we use carries a huge amount of information. Can create opportunity. Or limit it.

Whether it is thinking about your own, or what you think other peoples emotional responses might be (though the best way to know for sure is to do this exercise with them of course), pausing to consider whether you have correctly labeled them offers valuable data and information.

Take sadness. Then frustration, disappointment or rejection. Then think of a situation you have found yourself in. Consider how the courses of action. Who where power, influence and responsibility sits with each. The different types of conversations each might create. The different intentions and outcomes you might seek.

Print the wheel off and have it somewhere handy as a reference tool. Use it as a sensor check.

Another tip is to make sure you aren’t saying to yourself ‘I am frustrated’ ‘I am sad’.

To create space between you and the emotion, so that you would say ‘I notice I am feeling’. This allows space and perspective to observe, sit with and understand the information we want to extract and work with from the emotion.

It prevents it from running wild and us feeling powerless and at its behest.

For further reading on the subject Susan David has done some brilliant work on how our emotions carry data.

The real transformation in this space come when you integrate your emotional literacy with the values work we do in Finding Clarity.

If you want to explore this further as a practice, unpack how this relates to management and leadership, Be Braver designs and develops bespoke training solutions. Fit to the culture, values and behaviours you wish to see in your team or organisation.

Knowing, Not Growing Confidence

knowing, not growing, Confidence

Do You Lack Confidence? Or Are You Just Bored?

Sounds counterintuitive? Really? This yacky feeling I’m carrying in to work, meetings and situations is because I’m bored? Not that I lack confidence? Sounds very unlikely?

Yet the amount of times we see the journey in Be Braver, especially from women particularly, experiencing what they think is lack of confidence (because society loves making women question their confidence) when in reality, it can sometimes be boredom, frustration, resentment. At having outgrown a role or position.

 Susan David does brilliant work in the space of naming our emotions accurately.  Which is why we send time exploring in the Be Braver methodology. What we tell ourselves, or what we think we are experiencing, shapes and informs what opportunities and potential we create.

We talked recently about naming the gremlins to tame them. Its really important to ensure you accurately recognise and name them.

We think we understand confidence. Think it’s a feeling, or a trait some people have and others don’t have.

But its can also be true that those telling themselves they lack it are far more competent than they recognise, underestimate their abilities and overestimate others

 Before you keep limiting your potential telling yourself you lack confidence ask yourself, do I have the competence and the skills to do what is in front of me?

Ask Yourself

•  Is what is in front of you, is the right role, opportunity or challenge. For who you are today?

• Is it the circumstance or the situation that is lacking or limiting? The culture? The project.

• If you say it isn’t you, what is it?

• Are you leaping to assume that which is lacking or limiting is internal, when in actual fact its located externally?

The Be Braver program includes an entire module on knowing confidence. And we specifically don’t assume you need to build or grow it. Because often, you first need to understand it.

Is your mindset limiting? Or closer to a Be Braver one?

Take 5 minutes for YOU by answering the quick-fire questions on our Be Braver Index

The Gremlins in the Room: Naming and Taming Our Hidden Fears and Biases

TAMING PESKY GREMLINS

We've all heard the phrase "the elephant in the room" - that awkward or uncomfortable topic that everyone knows is there but nobody wants to talk about.

It is present in the meeting. No-one has the courage to call it out. Everyone pretends it isn’t there.

But what about the "gremlins in the room"? Those hidden fears, biases, and assumptions that we all carry with us, often without even realising it. Walking in and out of rooms, sitting on our shoulders and following us everywhere. 

When we enter a room, we bring our own unique set of experiences, beliefs, and biases with us. These gremlins can be triggered by certain people, situations, or even just the general atmosphere of the room. They can manifest in subtle ways, such as a fleeting thought or feeling, or they can take over our entire mindset, influencing the way we interact with others and view the world around us.

Some common gremlins that many people bring into a room include fear of judgment fear of failure, social anxiety, lack of self-belief, perfectionism.

Over-estimating other people’s competence and aptitude because of grand performative gestures of authority. 

RECOGNISING YOUR GREMLINS

These gremlins can affect our behaviour in any number of ways, such as causing us to hold back in conversations or take an overly defensive stance in response to to feedback. Procrastination, apathy, frustration.

The problem with gremlins is that they often go unacknowledged, which can make them even more insidious. We can also make the mistake of thinking we are the only one in the room that brought one (or several) in.

 When we're not aware of our own biases and fears, they can control us without us even realizing it. They can cause us to miss out on opportunities, damage our relationships with others, and even hold us back from the future we deserve and want to create. The outcomes we want to accomplish.

So, what can we do about these gremlins in the room?

The first step is to acknowledge that they exist. We need to be willing to take a hard look at our own biases and fears, and recognize how they might be influencing our behaviour. This requires a degree of self-awareness and vulnerability, but it's an essential step in overcoming the gremlins that hold us back.

NAMING THE LITTLE CRETINS 

I suggest to Clients to think of them as frenemies. Acting with good intent to keep you safe from harm.

Not quite up to speed with the current level of wisdom, experience, strength, competence, and ability you now have. To handle the challenging situations they want to protect you from.

They often work on outdated information and data. From days now long gone in your distant past.

Another important step is to create a safe and supportive environment for discussion with these gremlins. We need to be able to have open and honest conversations about our fears and biases without fear of judgment or reprisal.

This can involve seeking out a trusted friend, mentor, or coach who can provide us with feedback and guidance.  Creating the conditions for psychological safety to feel safe to explore.

 Finally, we need to be willing to take action to address our gremlins. This might involve seeking out new experiences that challenge our biases and fears, or actively working to overcome our lack self belief or fear of failure. It's only through taking action that we can begin to change our behavior and overcome the gremlins that hold us back. 

Take Aways:

·      Everyone carries Gremlins in the room.

·      The ones that are untamed. Unseen. They do the greatest damage.

·      Your gremlin can be tamed – it is acting up as it is wanting to keep you safe.

·      Find a safe space to get know your gremlin(s).

·      Be curious to understand what is triggering them.

·      Be prepared to listen. Then to act.

·      Once you have named and tamed yours, think of others. Remember next time you are in a space – other people’s may still be running riot.

While the elephant in the room may be the most obvious problem, it's important to recognise that there are often gremlins lurking beneath the surface. Some of which you can fix. Alone..

 These hidden fears and biases can have a powerful impact on our behaviour and mindset, and it's essential that we acknowledge them if we want to overcome them.

 By creating a safe and supportive environment for discussion, building our self-awareness, and taking action to address our gremlins, we can free ourselves from the constraints that hold us back. Live fully. Lead courageously.

Suggestions For Further Reading:

Ali, H (2021) Her Allies, Neem Tree Press

Grant, A. M. (2017). Originals: How non-conformists move the world. Viking.

Goleman, D. (2013). Focus: The hidden driver of excellence. Bloomsbury Publishing.

Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. Macmillan.

Kahenman, D; Sibony, O; Sunstein, C.R. Noise. Wililams Collins.

Peters, S (2012) The Chimp Paradox. Random House.

Seighart, M.A (2021). The Authority Gap. Random House. 

Is The Courageous Decision To Quit Or Grit?

“The truth is that changing often is the more courageous thing to do?

Just because you could persevere with a toxic relationship, job, religious faith or political allegiance doesn’t necessarily mean you have to’

When to quit and when to grit.

You might also want to check out what Susan David has to say on the matter.

This piece in the Guardian however jumped out as me as it is a topic of discussion in many of the Be Braver spaces I exist in

Be it conversations with clients, team or groups about projects, relationships, roles, hires, customers. Increasingly people even discussing when to grit or quite with where they choose to reside. A sign of the times perhaps.

Truth time. It’s also a regular feature of my own internal dialogues. Life is hard.

Keller asks the question

‘how do people manage to quit successfully, make that decision their own and not one based on somebody else’s idea of what constitutes a brave and meaningful life?’

How do we answer this in Be Braver?

By having the self knowledge and a model to help you understanding how you are able to consciously make decisions that are right for YOU. Exactly what the Be Braver mindset is designed to do.

To make doing the difficult things, that move you forwards towards the person you are becoming and the future you want to create, that bit easier and clearer to do. Our coaching, programmes and courses do just that

Unpopular but true: difficult decisions need courage because they aren’t easy.

That’s the point. The outcomes aren’t certain. There is a risk and of course you want to minimise regret.

If it were certain and easy. You’d not need courage.

I commend Keller for noticing that :

‘People who are successful in this life, with private jets and multiple homes and fancy cars suggest that they have worked harder and been more gritty and we have not, serves the people in power, it doesn’t serve the people in the middle or at the lower end’

We all need to be reminded to beware the Gurus?

Life is unequal. Chance and opportunity isn’t distributed fairly. We don’t all have good choices. There are authority gaps. We have the reality of the economic climate, social mobility, discrimination. Some sectors fair better than others. Responsibilities. Nepotism. I could go on.

Beware the success stories that influence the decisions you make. People will only ever tell you a version of a story that they want to be heard. This isn’t to be bleak. But its to ensure you frame your situation in an appropriate manner to the conditions and environment around you.

As much as we don’t want to be cowards, we don’t want to make reckless decisions either. Courage is the sweet spot.

The questions that have not been answered are the ones you want to ask. Not every quit leads to something better.

Sometimes the greatest changes can be found in how we choose to relate to the environment around us.

The best thing to do, is figure out how YOU make the best of the circumstances, experience, knowledge and opportunities life has afford you. The timing matters too.

We don’t all get the same choices, but we do all have the freedom to make our own decisions. To choose what we value, where we spend our time, whom we invest it in and who we want to become.

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Unlocking Courage: The Transformative Power of Coaching for Leadership

Coaching Corner: Monthly Drop In Space For Members Of the Be Braver Collective

As a committed courage researcher and certified coach, I spend my days in the research, practice and exploration of what it takes to be a courageous leader.

Courage is the virtue that makes all the others possible Aristotle said.

Which means that no matter who, what or how we wish to become. As a leader, or an organisation.

A team or a business. If we do not know how to choose courage in the moments that matter. We will be diminished and lesser.

The full potential of what and who we can become, will never find nor take the opportunities to test the limits of what is possible.

It’s the choices we make. In the moments that matter that determines our future. Understanding ourselves and how we make decisions, what influences, limits, and drives our potential is an essential part of choosing courage.

Of course, there are influences that arise by chance. Factors which exist outside of our control. The only thing we can be certain of is uncertainty.

We might not have a made a poor decision, we might have had poor choices. We may equally be presented with golden opportunities. As if they fell from the sky – there is always a side that belongs to chance, just as there are conscious choices.

Choosing courage, knowing when to speak, act, decide. Let go, walk away can be practices, developed and nurtured through intentional efforts. And none is better than the powerful tool for unlocking the virtues of courage in leaders than coaching.

Coaching, as a leadership development approach, goes beyond traditional training methods.

It is a dynamic and collaborative process that empowers leaders to tap into their inner potential, explore their fears, and cultivate the courage to take bold and decisive actions.

I am a huge advocate for it because of the essential, necessary and uncomfortable questions and answers I have seen it surface in my own life and those of countless Clients. It’s also work I adore.

We have found in Be Braver, many many Clients who thrive and are suited to group settings.  Our training programmes, workshops, group coaching, Be Braver memberships.

These things make incredible impacts in the lives, businesses and careers of our community. Yet for others, the quiet, reflective and intimately confidential space of a one to one coaching relationship offers, the most powerful place to create sustained and meaningful change.

As we see in our own work, our Clients lived experiences, and the extensive research on courage and leadership, it is evident that coaching is often a game-changer in helping leaders embrace courage as a core virtue.

Research has shown that coaching can enhance self-awareness, which is a critical component of courageous leadership. Through reflective questioning, active listening, and feedback, coaches facilitate leaders in gaining a deeper understanding of their strengths, weaknesses, values, and emotions. This heightened self-awareness enables clients to identify their fears and limiting beliefs, which often hold them back from taking courageous actions.

Our coaching also fosters a Be Braver mindset, which is essential for building to courageous decision making.

By encouraging clients to view challenges as opportunities for learning and growth, coaching helps them reframe their perspectives on fear and failure. It helps to adopt a proactive and resilient mindset, where they see fear as a natural part of the journey towards courageous leadership, rather than an obstacle to be avoided.

Critically and most powerfully often the supportive and non-judgmental environment creates a safe space to explore fears and vulnerabilities.

It encourages clients to explore their fears, rather than avoiding or suppressing them, and helps them develop strategies to regulate their emotions and responses in challenging situations. I think of us as trusted allies who challenge clients to stretch beyond their comfort zones, take calculated risks, and develop the confidence to face their fears with courage.

Coaching was the core means of how we delivered the Be Braver mindset for Clients when we first started the business.

I have extraordinary respect and admiration for every one of my Clients – for the difficult questions they tackle and the brave answers they find. Nothing is better for me, than the opportunity to work with bright, smart often very witty Clients, who want to live less fear-fully and lead courageously.

CURIOUS ABOUT BE BRAVER COACHING?

To find out more about one to one coaching for yourself or your organisation the first step is simple.

Get in touch at hello@be-braver.com or click here to book an enquiry call.

Do you have more of a limiting mindset or a Be Braver mindset?

Take our bravery index and see where your bravery potential and super strengths fall.

References:

1. Biswas-Denier. (2012). The courage quotient: How science can make you braver. Penguin UK.

2. Day, D. V., & Dragoni, L. (2015). Leadership development: An outcome-oriented review based on time and levels of analyses. Annual Review of Organizational Psychology and Organizational Behavior, 2, 133-156.

3. Kaufman, S. B. (2017). Transcend: The new science of self-actualization. Penguin.

4. Bono, J. E., & Judge, T. A. (2003). Self-concordance at work: Toward understanding the motivational effects of transformational leaders. Academy of Management Journal, 46(5), 554-571.

Values Grow Your Courage.

Knowing your personal values, or core values is a foundational pillar of practicing a Be Braver mindset.

Value your roots, for the strength and courage they offer you.

Your values are beliefs or principles that guide your actions and decisions.

We liken them to superpowers in Be Braver, or the lenses through which you make sense of the world.

If you don’t yet think you could name them, you’d certainly be able to identify them if you act out of alignment with them, or if someone crosses or conflicts with one of yours.

Being able to operationalise or live in alignment to your own values, offers you joy and abundance. It can be difficult and uncomfortable at times, like any practice. But will also be the way you become the best version of you, help you make sense of the uncertain decisions you have to make.

It seems such an obvious thing to be able to articulate them, yet so many have never paused to take them time to think about it. Many find it transformational when they do. Get very creative about it to - there are numerous ways you can bring them to life visually to act as prompts and reminders about the person you are becoming.

When life present decisions where none of the choices look good, your values will help you find the way. When you have an abundance of options and are fortunate to be spoilt for choice, again looking through your values will offer you a perspective that makes action clearer.

They are the root source of the strength upon which we draw, when we choose courageous actions and decisions.

When we learn to Be Braver in service to becoming our best self.

How to identify your personal values

1. Put some time aside, but don’t expect to bash a list out all out in one go. You’ll need to think, reflect and come back to it most likely.

2. Think about someone you truly admire, what are the values and qualities that are so striking about them? Write down the words that jump out. The values you see in them.

3. Tap in to a time or moment in your life when you’ve felt utterly in your zone. What values were present in that experience? Note down the key words. (We use a prompt sheet in our programme which sometimes can help - you can source one online if you get stuck to get you going)

4. What about a time when something or someone really jarred that you found very testing. What values was this an example of being conflicted?

5. Notice a time when you were faced with a difficult decision. What values guided your decision-making process? Capture those.

6. Imagine you are wearing a philosophers gown and share the values you think are necessary for a fulfilling and meaningful life? Write them down.

7. Cluster the words you have in to themes and look for groupings. Do some mean similar things? Think about what the definition of the words mean to you. So you know what they mean in practice as you define them

8. Aim to define around 10 that are most important to you. These should be the values that if you overheard someone using to describe you, would make you feel were the perfect articulation of the person you are becoming.

9. One last check. Are these really yours? Be 100% there aren’t any here that you think you ‘should’ have here. That might be family, culture, religion, peer groups. These need to be yours, not what you think they ought to be. If there are any that aren’t yours. Remove them. You own you.

10. Sit with them. Reflect on them. Notice how they do or don’t show up in your every day. What is neglected, what if ever present.

This is just the beginning. How you operationalise them - use them abundantly will transform not only your own growth, but what you give and offer to the world and those around you.

With regular reflection and paying attention and to you values, you will be able to begin to make decisions that align with your beliefs and lead a more authentic and fulfilling life. You will start to be able to do uncomfortable and courageous things.

To take risks, face fears. You will begin to be braver.

Do It Scared, Or Do It With Pride

Feel the fear and do it anyway

Original source: unknown

It’s the advise we all give each other. Not wanting fear to stop us from doing the things that matter. To do it scared. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

To not be diminished, get in our own way, or be less than we are capable of.

We encourage each other to be brave because we recognise that fear is there. Its is a noble position to take.

Yet there is rich and valuable role in the purpose and meaning, involved in our decisions. Fueling our motivation and signposting something important about who we are becoming, which is also at stake.

Why else would we make the uncomfortable and difficult decision, to choose to do things which scare us?

Surfacing and finding clarity, in why we make difficult decisions, gives us the tools to change how we experience them. Transforms our perspective and how we live with some of our fears.

Nerves can be excitement, fear can be uncertainty.

We can choose how to experience and understand the things that are uncomfortable, so that they don’t feel as scary.

We can choose to take pride in the strength and merits of our decisions. To do hard things, because of the people we are becoming. To let go of focusing on the things we can’t control, and attend to the things we can.

We can choose to experience pride and growth, instead of being scared or feeling fear.

All of us have been brave before. And we will continue to choose to do so again. Knowing why we make a decision to do something, to act - we can shift the focus to who it says we are becoming, rather than noticing what it is we are fearing. We can let go of the fear and focus on the growing.

We can choose to see a brave person, following a purposeful and courageous path. A person who has decided to choose to be braver.

The Big Happiness Interview: Why being braver will make you happier